Books on Stoicism

I recently read The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking and it has me interested in Stoicism, Buddhism and meditation. I came across this list on Reddit but couldn't get it to link to Pinterest. So I copied it here for my own reference. I may update this with my reviews as I actually read these (if I actually read all of them). I may take some off the list and add in some different books on meditation and Buddhism along the way, but rather than overload my goodreads list with all of these books - I decided to list them here and then add them to goodreads as I decide which ones I am actually going to read ;)

1) A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
     by William Braxton Irvine

This was my re-introduction to stoicism and led me to think that I should incorporate stoic practice into my life. It is not academic but I have not found major contradictions with my understanding of the ancient texts. Review by Walter M. Roberts III here

2) Stoic Serenity: A Practical Course on Finding Inner Peace
     by Keith Seddon

Originally intended as a correspondence course, this book has writing assignments and uses Meditations and Letters from a Stoic as references. You will want to use the versions I have listed below if possible since the page numbers and paragraph references are specific to those editions.

3) Meditations (Wordsworth Classics of World Literature)
     by Marcus Aurelius (Robin Hard translation)

Edition used by Seddon's book/course above.

4) Letters from a Stoic (Penguin Classics)
     by Lucius Annaeus Seneca (Robert Campbell translation)

Edition used by Seddon's book/course above.

5) Epictetus: A Stoic and Socratic Guide to Life
     by A. A. Long

This is extremely valuable for intermediate/advanced study. I recommend it after having a good understanding of stoicism and Epictetus so that the issues and interpretations have some context. Review by William O. Stephens here

6) Stoic Studies (Hellenistic Culture and Society)
     by A. A. Long

Review by William O. Stephens here

7) The Hellenistic Philosophers, Vol. 1: Translations of the Principal Sources, with Philosophical Commentary
     by A. A. Long and David Sedley

AA Long is one of the living experts, if not THE living expert on Stoicism. I have seen this text referenced multiple times.

8) The Hellenistic Philosophers: Volume 2, Greek and Latin Texts with Notes and Bibliography
     by A. A. Long and David Sedley

9) Hellenistic Philosophy: Stoics, Epicureans, Sceptics, Second edition
     by A. A. Long

According to one of the comments, this contains different material from the The Hellenistic Philosophers Vol 1 & 2.

10) Stoicism (Ancient Philosophies)
     by John Sellars

This is an introductory academic text that is used in the College of Stoic Philosophers - the online course offered by NewStoa.

11) The Art of Living: The Stoics on the Nature and Function of Philosophy (Bristol Classical Paperbacks)
     by John Sellars

Review by Brad Inwood here

12) Musonius Rufus: Lectures and Sayings
     by Cynthia King

Rufus was Epictetus' Stoic teacher, and this recent book is the first translation of his complete extant works. Review by William O Stephens here

13) The Inner Citadel: The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius
     by Pierre Hadot

Review by Rachana Kamtekar here

14) What Is Ancient Philosophy?
     by Pierre Hadot

Review by Donald Zeyl here

15) Philosophy as a Way of Life: Spiritual Exercises from Socrates to Foucault
      by Arnold I. Davidson

16) The Stoics Reader: Selected Writings and Testimonia
      by Brad Inwood

Review by Tiberiu Popa here

17) Reading Seneca: Stoic Philosophy at Rome
      by Brad Inwood

Review by Katja Maria Vogt here

18) The Cambridge Companion to the Stoics (Cambridge Companions to Philosophy)
      by Brad Inwood

Review by Joachim Lukoschus here

19) A New Stoicism
     by Lawrence C. Becker

Review by R.W. Sharples here

20) The Philosophy of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: Stoic Philosophy as Rational and Cognitive Psychotherapy
     by Donald Robertson

A summary of a review is on the books website here

21) The Stoic Life: Emotions, Duties, and Fate
     by Tad Brennan

Review by Andrew Smith here Review by Gretchen Reydams-Schils here

22) Epictetus' Handbook and the Tablet of Cebes: Guides to Stoic Living
     by Epictetus

Review by Michael Trapp here

23) Discourses, Books 1-2 (Loeb Classical Library)
     by Epictetus

24) Epictetus: Discourses, Books 3-4. The Encheiridion. (Loeb Classical Library No. 218)
     by Epictetus

Everyone who has read multiple translations recommends these two volumes.

25) Thoughts of a Philosophical Fighter Pilot (Reprint ed.)
     by James B. Stockdale

I read the text of two lectures Stockdale gave along these lines, I am interested in reading more.

26) A Man in Full
      by Tom Wolfe

Stoicism in a modern narrative format, my understanding is that Wolfe's conversations with Stockdale inspired this book.

27) Everything Has Two Handles: The Stoic's Guide to the Art of Living
     by Ronald W. Pies

Apparently this work is meant to show the confluence of other Religious ideas and Stoicism along with examples from modern therapy. Pies is a clinical professor of psychiatry at Tufts Medical School.

28) The Philosophy of Epictetus
     by Theodore Scaltsas

Review by Brad Inwood here

29) Stoicism: Traditions and Transformations
     by Steven K. Strange

Review by Jon Miller here

30) The Meaning of Stoicism (Martin Classical Lectures. Volume XXI)
     by Ludwig Edelstein

From the NewStoa College of Stoic Philosopher's reading list

31) Heraclitus: Fragments (Phoenix Supplementary Volumes)
     by T.M. Robinson

From the NewStoa College of Stoic Philosopher's reading list

Easy Pepper, Potato and Sausage Skillet

I have been looking for a good recipe to use some of my garden peppers. I couldn't find one recipe that stuck out to me, so I came up with my own variation on a couple of different recipes. Here it is:

Prep Time: 20 Minutes     Total Time: 80 Minutes

Serving Size:  1 Cup       Calories per Serving: 300 (may vary depending on type of sausage used)

Ingredients:

3 Tablespoons Olive Oil

1 1/2 cup Peppers, diced

1 1/2 lbs Red Potatoes, diced 

14oz Pre-Cooked Chicken Sausage, sliced 1/2 inch thick *I used Chipotle Jack chicken sausage, but you could really use any flavor

Salt, Pepper, Garlic Powder

Instructions: Heat 2 tablespoon olive oil in a large skillet over medium/high heat. Add potatoes to skillet. Cover and reduce heat to low and cook for 40 minutes or until potatoes are soft, mixing regularly. Set the potatoes aside on a plate and add 1 tablespoon olive oil to the skillet over medium heat. Add sausage and peppers. Cook, mixing regularly, until the sausage is heated through and the peppers are soft, 5-10 minutes. Return potatoes to the skillet and add the seasoning to taste. Cover and let all heat together for about two minutes. 

*When I make this again (and I am sure I will) I think I will try minced garlic with the potatoes from the beginning instead of the garlic powder. This may also be good with some onion in addition to the peppers. 

Cinnamon Chicken

I don't normally blog recipes, but this one needs to be blogged! I found it in Runner's World magazine. And it is from the Runner's World website that I found the above picture (the one I made I ate too fast to take a picture of it). I am re-posting this recipe because they have left out a very important step from their recipe. I think my dinner would have turned out even better had I read through all the instructions first and realized they forgot to mention a step. So, mostly for myself, I am rewriting the recipe here intact. (I would have thought they'd have corrected their mistake on their website but it also has the error. Here is their recipe). 

The missing step is to remove the chicken from the pan after browning. I didn't realize that this needed to happen until I had already gone through the next two steps and the chicken had been cooking for an extra 20-30 minutes, at a higher temperature than intended. So I pulled the chicken out and didn't add it back in until the very end - so the chicken and spices did not all stew together the way they were supposed to.

This recipe takes a while. It took me 2 HOURS tonight. So be prepared for it to take that long with prep and all. But an hour of that time is simmering on the stovetop, so settle in and find yourself something to for that hour while your delicious meal is stewing. 

CINNAMON CHICKEN (Koto Kapama)

1 chicken (2 1/2 to 3 pounds), cut into eight pieces
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
5 peeled garlic cloves, minced
1 1/2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 peeled, coarsely chopped medium yellow onions
1/2 cup dry white wine
1 cup water
1 cup chicken stock
1 6-ounce can tomato paste
1 tablespoon fresh oregano, chopped

Boil water with some sea salt and set aside. Pat the chicken dry with paper towels. Mix the cinnamon, kosher salt, and pepper in a small bowl. Rub the spice mix all over the chicken pieces.

Mince three of the garlic cloves. Heat the olive oil in a large, deep skillet over high heat (a 12-inch skillet with sides about 2 1/2 to 3 inches high will allow you to brown all the chicken at once). Add the chicken to the oil and brown for about four to five minutes on each side, until it is well browned all over. 

**This is the missing step: REMOVE CHICKEN FROM PAN 

Lower the heat to medium-high and add the onions and minced garlic. Cook for about three minutes, stirring constantly, until the onions have softened and are a rich golden brown. Add the wine. When the wine has evaporated, add the water, chicken stock, tomato paste, oregano, and remaining two garlic cloves. Return the chicken to the pan. The liquid should cover about 3/4 of the chicken pieces. Cover the pot and simmer over low heat for about an hour or until the chicken is tender and thoroughly cooked. Season the finished sauce with kosher salt and pepper to taste. Serve over a bed of quinoa or another favorite grain. Serves four.

If prepared without the skin:
Calories: 360
Protein: 40 g
Carbs: 18 g
Fat: 11 g

If prepared with the skin:
Calories: 650
Protein: 47 g
Carbs: 18 g
Fat: 41 g

How American Work Culture Hurts Everyone (especially women)

I read an article today that really got me thinking about our work culture. The article was about Katherine Zaleski who used to be president of a company and in that role she discriminated against other women who were mothers, assuming they did not have the time to dedicate to their jobs fully. But then she became a mother and was faced with the dilemma of work/life balance. She decided to quit her office job and start a company with a friend that supports women in tech fields who want to work from home. Sounds like a noble effort to accommodate women's roles as both mothers and wage earners (article here).
      However, I do take some issue with the article as a whole. While I cringed at her admission of the terrible way she judged mothers, her "redemption" story also left me disappointed. While I do admire what she is trying to do now, by providing avenues for work from home (something coveted, competitive and often difficult to arrange), I am disappointed that she had to quit her office job. In fact, the whole article felt more like an advertisement for her new start-up company than anything that would actually help women who currently face the dilemma of work/life balance as mothers (unless they work in the technical industry and want to use her new company's services to find a new job).
      Women finding new employment after having a baby is not a novel idea. Often, however, the options are as limited as the pay. Work from home jobs, or jobs that are off-hours to balance child care with a partner, are jobs that generally aren't as lucrative. Instead of encouraging women to find new (limited) jobs that accommodate them, why can't we demand more flexibility from more industries and businesses? Research shows that being flexible with your employees on how and where they work shows an increase in productivity and job satisfaction.
       One point the Fortune article makes is that we put too much weight on actual hours logged in the office, and less on amount and quality of work produced. This is something that has always bothered me about American work culture, and it is something that really doesn't benefit anyone. Any worker (mother or otherwise) who has life obligation and is not able to "burn the midnight oil" might be seen as an underachiever. While I acknowledge that there are instances where staying late is needed, it should not be the norm. If someone manages their time well and works efficiently, they ought to be able to leave on time most days. If not, perhaps they are not the dedicated, hard-working, great-example-of-an-employee, but rather someone who is inefficient with their time and thus has to stay late to complete their work. Or perhaps the company is asking them to do too much, especially if they are salaried and only getting paid for a 40 hour/week commitment but then expected to do 60+ hours of work.
      Not only that, but with modern technology some employees are expected to always be reachable and to respond to emails/texts/calls no matter the time or day. While we like to think that all of this extra work effort is helping America (and Americans) there is little evidence that it is. Just take this report comparing the American economy to Germany's, and this guys who nicely sums up the difference in work culture between the two countries. For all our effort we are earning less and saving less, even if we are spending more. Which also begs the question, what are we spending our money on if all of our time is spent at work? With all of this emphasis on "work ethic" as only evidenced by number of hours spent at your work desk, it is no wonder that women feel anxious about and discriminated against for starting families. This is just another part of the intricate web that keeps women from having equal footing with men, and the fact that it is the women, and not men, who are expected to change their whole lives for their children is topic for a blog post all its own.
       In closing I would like to acknowledge that a lot of companies are moving to be more flexible. They are invested in their employees' quality of life and job satisfaction with the understanding that those employees will work harder and be more loyal. It's these flexible companies that are attracting the best, most qualified employees and are experiencing the most growth and profits for their efforts. So my hope and prayer is that it is only a matter of time before accommodating work schedules are the norm and no one has to choose between having a job and staying home with their children. As Katherine Zaleski does point out in her article "if you want something done ask a busy person to do it" and therefore, no one should be reluctant to hire a busy parent.

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/30353465@N07/8412601296">Portrait of a female executive</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/">(license)</a>

The "Vegan" Menu

I want to say from the get-go that I am not a vegan, but have nothing against vegans. I think it's admirable when someone chooses that lifestyle and to me it seems like it would be a hard lifestyle to maintain. I have a lot of respect for those who are able to do it even if they only do for a short time.

That being said, I am often perplexed by vegan restaurant menus. I have only been to a few vegan restaurants in my day, but all of them have had "chicken" and "beef" and "pork" on their menus. I understand that these items are not actually chicken, beef or pork so I once asked a waiter at a vegan restaurant what the "chicken" wings actually were. He responded that they were mostly made of wheat gluten. I guess 'wheat gluten wings' doesn't sound as appetizing. To me it sounds like they've taken all the gluten that's been extracted from gluten free products and molded it into chicken wing shapes and then fried it. Definitely not something I want to be eating. Which brings me to my first argument against using animal names on vegan menus:

1. People want to know what they are eating. We've had a bit of a culture shift in recent decades where people are starting to care more about what it is they are actually eating. I would assume this to be especially true for a group of people who have decided to go out of their way to ensure they do not consume animal products. They are probably more aware of what they are eating than most of us who are otherwise health conscious, because I would assume they have to read labels of most foods they buy to make sure they were not accidentally consuming an animal product. Vegans may even not be at all turned off by having wheat gluten on their menu. Perhaps it is something that shows up in a lot of vegan foods. If you think it's going to hurt your business to tell someone what they are actually eating, maybe you should consider serving something different on your menu.

2. Vegan's don't want to eat animals. My second argument for not using animal names on vegan menus, is that those who chose to be vegan should not find animal products to be appetizing. You would think that seeing "beef" on a menu would make someone not want to eat if they've chosen to avoid eating animal products.

3. Vegan's don't (or shouldn't) want their food to taste like meat. I have heard someone say that they put the animal product names on the menu because that is what the vegan food is supposed to taste like. I would think that someone who has chosen to be vegan would also not want their food to mimic the taste and/or texture of animal meat. If you want to eat something that is called chicken and tastes like chicken, you can just eat chicken.

But all joking aside, my last and most poignant argument against using animal names on vegan menus is a more philosophical one:

4. Using animal names on menus perpetuates the idea of animals (and animal products) as food. Even if those ordering from your menus know that it is not actually chicken, by calling it "chicken" you are feeding into the cultural food norms that say chicken is a food. In fact, you are promoting the idea that "chicken" is a more valid food than wheat gluten since you have chosen to list "chicken" as the menu item instead of what you are actually serving.


Again, I am not a vegan. I am just someone who cares to know what it is I am eating. I don't object to eating vegan food and enjoy going to vegan restaurants with my friends. But I do get frustrated with not knowing what I am actually ordering because the menus aren't telling me.

Trick-or-Treat vs. Trunk-or-Treat

Trick-or-Treat vs. Trunk-or-Treat

Picture from FayToday.com

Each Halloween parents are faced with a decision to have their children go trick-or-treating door-to-door or find a local trunk-or-treat event. Now in saying that I realize that some people will say that they do both. That's fine. But I am here to make an argument for good, old fashioned, door-to-door, trick-or-treating and against the new fad of trunk-or-treating.

First, trunk-or-treating is cheating. Plain and simple. Taking your kid to a parking lot and having them walk from car-to-car to load up their bags is cheating. They don't have to do any work to get all that candy. You might as well buy them a costco size bag of candy, dress them in their costumes to take pictures for instagram so all your friends can see how cute they are and then take them to a friend's house to play video games. Okay, maybe that's a little extreme... but it really is cheating.

Walking around the neighborhood for candy is good for many reasons. It's good exercise, especially if they are going to be eating a whole bag of candy. In a way, it portion controls the amount of candy they get. If your kid gets tired of walking around door-to-door for candy and wants to stop trick-or-treating, they will end up with less candy. If they want to keep going, keep walking and getting more exercise, they will end up with more candy. I realize that the kids aren't going to eat all the candy that night, but it might just give them a sense of working harder for greater gains. Trunk-or-treating, on the other hand, allows them to load up as much candy as they possibly can without putting forth much effort. 

It is good exercise for the parents as well. Walking with your children through the neighborhood will also get you out and about, so when you sneak some candy from your kids' bag you will at least have walked a few blocks first. This also allows you to make sure your young kids are staying safe while you are exercising together. It is well known that exercise releases endorphins, and if you are able to do this together as a family, it will strengthen family bonds. This is something that should be practiced often as a family and not just on Halloween, but Halloween is a great time to get started. 

Second, the safety issue. When I was a child there were urban legends going around about poisoned candy and razor blades and all manner of atrocious things, but none of these stories were true. Many parents like the security of the trunk-or-treat and feel it is safer than wandering through neighborhoods. It is true that if you attend a trunk-or-treat it is because you are likely already affiliated with the group who is hosting it. So therefore you are more likely to know and trust those who are attending. Many of them may be your neighbors if the trunk-or-treat is at a church or a school (as they often are). It may seem safe but I believe there are more hidden dangers by going to the trunk-or-treat than you may realize. 

Kids are smart little sponges of information both conscious and subconscious. They will realize why you are taking them trunk-or-treating whatever the reason may be. By taking them to the trunk-or-treat you are preventing them from not only meeting new people in the neighborhood that may not be associated with the trunk-or-treat group, but you are also preventing them from seeing people they already know in a different context. If you are taking your kids trunk-or-treating at a school or church, it is likely that you will be seeing the people there that you already see at school and/or church. I believe it is much safer for your children if they have a sense of where these neighbors live. Especially in an emergency situation you would want them to know which doors they can knock on and know that someone inside knows who they are and can help them.

And as for meeting strangers in the neighborhood, wouldn't it be better for everyone if there were fewer strangers in the neighborhood? Research shows that knowing your neighbors has many benefits, such as: diffusing conflicts, sense of belonging and shared identity, and good mental health. Another benefit to taking your kids door-to-door is that you have the opportunity to meet some neighbors, so you as well can know who to turn to if you find yourself in an emergency (even if the emergency is to borrow a cup of sugar). It also allows you to see how some of these neighborhood strangers interact with your children. The first step in protecting your child from stranger danger may be to narrow the 'stranger' field. And if more neighbors know your child by name, and that it is your child, they can help you look out for them and notice when a true stranger may be lurking around. 

If your kids are too old to have a parent tag along for trick-or-treating, make sure they go with a group of friends and know a few basic safety tips: don't go inside someone's house, stay on the porch for your candy and if they want you to come inside for it, leave. But the biggest danger to kids is being hit by a car. Kids are twice as likely to get hit by a car on Halloween than any other time. So tell them to look out for cars - and maybe attach some reflective strips to their costume if you can. 

But even with the danger of being hit by a car, going door-to-door is better for you and your children than going trunk-to-trunk. I hope everyone reading this has a fun and safe Halloween however you decide to celebrate it. 

Running From Your Problems

'You Can't Run Away from Your Problems'

We've heard this saying, or some variation of it, throughout our entire lives. We are encouraged to face all of our challenges and to either solve them or accept them. Running away from our problems is looked at as weakness, but is running away really NEVER an option? 

I think society uses cliche sayings far too often. There is some good to them, but also some bad. And the consequences may far outweigh the benefits. But first I will focus on the good.

There is some truth to these sayings. Often our problems come from within. Many people create problems in their own lives and lack the introspection to realize it or the self efficacy to change. In these circumstances our problems really will follow us wherever we go. The longer we sit in denial of our own hand in our situations, our own role in our destiny, the bigger those problems may become. 

However, some people who lack self awareness may also lack the ability to even recognize that problems exist. They are in such denial of their problems that they minimize, rationalize, and justify the troubles surrounding them. They refuse to think there's anything wrong and may even seem to carry on happily. We see them pushing everyone around them away. Being close to someone, on a deep level, forces us to see our own faults. True friends may point our predicaments and shortcomings out to us, and the denier doesn't want to have to face these problems. Someone who won't allow themselves to be close to others has the kind problems that will follow that person around until they have a desire to see themselves more fully.

The opposite of the deniers are the martyrs. They are similar to the deniers in that they lack introspection, however, the martyrs tell a different story. They know their lives have problems; their coworkers are awful, their significant other is immature or clueless or rude, their friends are judgmental or untrustworthy, and their family is harsh and unforgiving.  They see themselves as victims of all those around them and of life in general. They feel that everyone treats them poorly and life is completely unfair. They wallow in their self pity and aim to drag you down with them. Constantly seeking validation that they are a good person who has been treated unfairly, they want your empathy. They want you to feel bad too. But what they aren't admitting to you, or themselves, is that they actually enjoy being victimized. In fact, they often aren't really a victim at all, they just want you to pay attention to them and feel bad for them. Once you catch on to their self-sabotaging ways you may try to make them see their reality, that they are the cause of their own problems. You are the aforementioned friend who points their shortcomings out to them because you want to help them. But the minute you do that you because just another friend who 'betrayed' them. The next thing you know, it's you they're sobbing about to their new friends. Martyrs also have the kinds of problems that will follow them around no matter how far they try to run.

But can you really NEVER run away from problems? Society tells us, and we tell ourselves that we have to take the bull by the horns and face problems head-on. But I think that sometimes the best solution is to give up and move on. It's not ALWAYS the solution, but we honestly would never tell someone in an abusive relationship to suck it up. We would tell them to get away. Sometimes the abuse is more subtle, so the true victims think they just need to try harder to make it work. They are told, or start to think, that they are the ones creating the problems and they need to try harder. It can be tremendously damaging for them to hear "you can't run away from your problems" from someone who doesn't truly understand the situation they are in. What this cliche is really saying is 1. your problems are your own fault, and 2. it's never going to get better, so deal with it.

If you have tried to face a problem directly and you are getting nowhere with it, it may be time to accept the situation and stop draining so much of your energy in trying to fix it. This is particularly good advice if the problem is involving someone else, and your solution to the problem is for that person to change. We cannot change others. Give up. Move on. This could mean letting go of a relationship that continues to have unresolvable issues, or you feel it has become abusive. If you suspect you might be in an abusive relationship but aren't sure, here's a couple of websites with more information on the warning signs and who to call if you need help getting out.

This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships. Relationships with friends and family can also be toxic, and if have come to a point where you get anxious thinking about spending time with the other person, or you always feel sour or drained after talking or being with them, these are signs that the relationship is not healthy. Sometimes it can be our jobs that make us feel this way. Nobody likes their job 100% of the time. Anything worth doing is going to be somewhat stressful and require effort. But if you dread going into work, avoid contact with bosses and coworkers, feel miserable while at work and after coming home from work, then perhaps a change is in order.

On a personal note, I worked in a very toxic environment for a number of years. I was young and it was one of my first "real" jobs. I had an overbearing boss who was manipulative and vindictive. She was a very black and white thinker, and I was anxious all the time that I would say or do something that would put me on her bad side. The entire company was dysfunctional and the whole situation put me under so much pressure that I became depressed. I couldn't sleep, I was tired all the time. I lost motivation to do other things in my life that I used to enjoy. I stuck it out for so long that I started to think that I was the problem. I started to believe that maybe I was the one who was difficult to work with, or that I was being too sensitive or lazy. It took me a long time to find a new job, and I was so afraid when I actually started getting interviews that it would be just as bad, if not worse, no matter where I went. I had reached a point of hopelessness.

Luckily for me I found a new job. A job that I love, with coworkers who are great to work with and a boss that doesn't manipulate me. It took me a while to trust my coworkers. I was very reluctant to share anything personal about myself when I first started because I was worried that they would use the information to take advantage of me, or judge me. Over time I have grown to trust my coworkers more and more. This experience has helped me to realize that sometimes you can run away from your problems, and sometimes you are saving your life in the process.

I want to stress that I am not encouraging anyone to jump ship at the first sign of trouble. All relationships go through rough patches and if you can make it through those tough times your relationships will often come out stronger and more meaningful. But if the problems have been going on for a long time, if the bad outweighs the good and there's no light at the end of the tunnel, take a deep breath and walk away.

The bottom line to is this: Problems you create for yourself will be with you wherever you go, problems created by other people can, however, can be escaped from. Find the courage to get yourself out of toxic situations, and don't let anyone tell you they're your fault.

Running away will probably not fix all of your problems, but if we don't change our habits and break our unhealthy cycles of behavior then we become stuck in those patterns. You may not know for certain if the problems you are facing are being caused by others or by yourself, but sometimes the only way to see your problems clearly is to change your context. Once you've stepped away, the problems caused by others will fade and the ones you are causing yourself will be impossible to ignore.